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Diaz finds marriage leads to kids, divorce, cold wet butts

By Gloria Diaz

Check out Gloria's Blog — Edge of Gloria!

Fort Wayne Reader


My birthday is very close to Motherís Day, and with the passing of those two dates, it makes me realize Iím a rare species. Iím a woman in her late 30s who doesnít have kids. And Iím glad.

Iím an idealist. I truly think if you want kids, you should be happily married and have a decent home, decent job, and decent morals if you want to bring the youngíuns into this world. My parents werenít wealthy, but when I look back, I think I had a great upbringing. My parents worked hard, didnít drink, didnít do drugs, didnít have any freaky beliefs or hobbies (they werenít Trekkies, thank the Lord) and they werenít nuts.

Contrast that with certain parents of today; single mothers who are so desperate for a hook-up that they take the first man who crosses their path. They shack up, and thatís when the nightmare begins. Thereís probably a certain type of man out there who specifically digs single moms, because heís a pedophile looking for a place to live and kids to violate. Too terrible to contemplate? If not that, then how about some child physical abuse? When I worked at a law firm, the ex-wife of one of our clients got married to a new guy. While the wife was at work, her new hubby beat her little girl so badly, the incident made the papers. How bad was the beating? Part of the little girlís brain was exposed.

I think kids need to be raised right, and if youíre the kind of person into S and M, youíd better be keeping that aspect of your personality away from your kids. Actually, you might think about giving it up. Itís going to be awfully embarrassing to explain to your five-year-old daughter why your back is chock-full of puffy, bloody scratches.

However, I am the one who is looked at as a freak because Iíve never been married and donít have kids. I figure Iím saving the world from one more divorce statistic and kids growing up in poverty. Supporting myself is enough of a challenge; if I gave birth to kids right now, or a year from now, I would be committing a sin against God and society. I would want the traditional biological mom-biological dad-in-the-house-with the-fenced-in-yard-and-basketball hoop-on-the-garage-type of family.

But instead of being rewarded for being responsible, Iím looked at as a failure. When I tell people Iíll probably never have kids, they say, ďwell, you still have a couple years left.Ē I tell them I donít want kids, and their response is a surprised ďoh!Ē

Believe me, if you met the kind of men I meet, youíd understand why Iím single. Iíve learned from experience to avoid guys named Dave, Bob, Brian or Chad. Iíve learned from other womenís experiences to avoid men with the last names of Tyson, Cruise or Federline.

And it seems that no one I know is in a good relationship. Everyone whoís married or has some sort of significant other is complaining about them. ďMy husband isnít romantic.Ē ďMy wife doesnít have sex often with me enough.Ē ďMy husband doesnít listen to me.Ē ďMy wife doesnít have sex often with me enough.Ē ďMy husband forgot our anniversary.Ē ďMy wife doesnít ...Ē And so on.

So Iíll never be a mom, and probably wonít ever get married. Thatís okay. I kinda like being a rare species. My body wonít be ripped apart by childbirth, and Iím saving myself the stress of living with a man who doesnít listen to me and will forget every significant occasion in our relationship.

But most importantly, I donít have to worry about falling into ice-cold water when I use the bathroom in the middle of the night because some moron left the seat up. Ladies, next time your husband does that, on the way back to bed, rip the covers off him and plop your soaking wet, freezing ass on him. He might get the idea. Let me know what happens, okay?

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