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Diaz finds marriage leads to kids, divorce, cold wet butts

By Gloria Diaz

Check out Gloria's Blog — Edge of Gloria!

Fort Wayne Reader

2006-06-05

My birthday is very close to Mother’s Day, and with the passing of those two dates, it makes me realize I’m a rare species. I’m a woman in her late 30s who doesn’t have kids. And I’m glad.

I’m an idealist. I truly think if you want kids, you should be happily married and have a decent home, decent job, and decent morals if you want to bring the young’uns into this world. My parents weren’t wealthy, but when I look back, I think I had a great upbringing. My parents worked hard, didn’t drink, didn’t do drugs, didn’t have any freaky beliefs or hobbies (they weren’t Trekkies, thank the Lord) and they weren’t nuts.

Contrast that with certain parents of today; single mothers who are so desperate for a hook-up that they take the first man who crosses their path. They shack up, and that’s when the nightmare begins. There’s probably a certain type of man out there who specifically digs single moms, because he’s a pedophile looking for a place to live and kids to violate. Too terrible to contemplate? If not that, then how about some child physical abuse? When I worked at a law firm, the ex-wife of one of our clients got married to a new guy. While the wife was at work, her new hubby beat her little girl so badly, the incident made the papers. How bad was the beating? Part of the little girl’s brain was exposed.

I think kids need to be raised right, and if you’re the kind of person into S and M, you’d better be keeping that aspect of your personality away from your kids. Actually, you might think about giving it up. It’s going to be awfully embarrassing to explain to your five-year-old daughter why your back is chock-full of puffy, bloody scratches.

However, I am the one who is looked at as a freak because I’ve never been married and don’t have kids. I figure I’m saving the world from one more divorce statistic and kids growing up in poverty. Supporting myself is enough of a challenge; if I gave birth to kids right now, or a year from now, I would be committing a sin against God and society. I would want the traditional biological mom-biological dad-in-the-house-with the-fenced-in-yard-and-basketball hoop-on-the-garage-type of family.

But instead of being rewarded for being responsible, I’m looked at as a failure. When I tell people I’ll probably never have kids, they say, “well, you still have a couple years left.” I tell them I don’t want kids, and their response is a surprised “oh!”

Believe me, if you met the kind of men I meet, you’d understand why I’m single. I’ve learned from experience to avoid guys named Dave, Bob, Brian or Chad. I’ve learned from other women’s experiences to avoid men with the last names of Tyson, Cruise or Federline.

And it seems that no one I know is in a good relationship. Everyone who’s married or has some sort of significant other is complaining about them. “My husband isn’t romantic.” “My wife doesn’t have sex often with me enough.” “My husband doesn’t listen to me.” “My wife doesn’t have sex often with me enough.” “My husband forgot our anniversary.” “My wife doesn’t ...” And so on.

So I’ll never be a mom, and probably won’t ever get married. That’s okay. I kinda like being a rare species. My body won’t be ripped apart by childbirth, and I’m saving myself the stress of living with a man who doesn’t listen to me and will forget every significant occasion in our relationship.

But most importantly, I don’t have to worry about falling into ice-cold water when I use the bathroom in the middle of the night because some moron left the seat up. Ladies, next time your husband does that, on the way back to bed, rip the covers off him and plop your soaking wet, freezing ass on him. He might get the idea. Let me know what happens, okay?