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Men Behaving Badly: Quality Entertainment

By Gloria Diaz

Check out Gloria's Blog — Edge of Gloria!

Fort Wayne Reader

2018-10-05

So, my Facebook feed has been chock-full of Kavanaugh memes, empowering slogans, and comments about how women need to speak out more. There's lots of comparisons to the pedophile priests, and how their victims are coming forward, and they aren't being condemned, but the women coming forward are criticized for not speaking up sooner.

This ugliness, combined with the Trump presidency, have whipped up one hell of a shit show. I'm amused and disgusted at the same time, and if I listen hard enough, I can hear the laughter of the other nations. America has turned into reality television, powered by a gig economy, and the spending of billionaires on cars in space. Meanwhile, Puerto Rico is still wrecked and people don't seem to realize those who live there ARE United States citizens.

Sometimes it gets to me. So I need to laugh, and since I'm broke, I turn to YouTube. Last Christmas, I broke down and bought a smart television. That means I can watch YouTube on my awesome flat screen. It's wonderful. I can see stuff on YouTube that I'll never see on commercial television, and some of it is really hilarious. What is it about the sex drive that makes idiots (men) do stupid stuff? What makes middle aged schlubs think a 14-year-old girl is going to find them attractive? Yet, they do, and the genius that is The Predator Chronicles, a YouTube series hosted by a young guy named Mista GG, has been airing on repeat in Chateau Hovel Diaz. I love to analyze and criticize, and that's exactly what Mista GG does. He takes excerpts from Dateline: To Catch a Predator, NBC's sting operation and delivers his own brand of commentary. The original show was hosted by Chris Hansen, and featured predators who chatted decoys online, then sometimes drove for hours to meet up with them. Mista GG rips the idiots apart.

The scenario is the same: a predator agrees to come over to the decoy's house, which seems to be impossibly big and immaculate. Sometimes the predators are reluctant to come in the house, sometimes they drive around the block, but despite all the red flags, most of them traipse in, bearing roses, chips, Mike's Hard Lemonade (a perennial predator offering), watered down booze, and in the case of one musician creep, a mix CD of his music. The men and the decoys chat for a minute or so, then Hansen makes his appearance, chat log in hand. He then proceeds to read the kinky conversation out loud. It's Hansen's monotone, detached delivery that adds an extra element of hilarity as the pedos squirm at having their sex fantasies broadcast nationally. After being interviewed by Hansen, he tells them they are free to go (sometimes after a guy promises he's never done anything like this before, to keep it secret because their wife will kill them, and other regretful observations) and some are relieved (and think all is forgiven), but as soon as they step out the door, they are tackled and cuffed by law enforcement.

The show itself is hilarious for the fashion choices the predators made, the assortment of booze and snacks they brought to the house, and the accessories they had in their cars. Some of them were typical (porn DVDs) to downright scary (rope, duct tape). Mista GG comments about the more memorable predators (Lorne Armstrong, the target of many To Catch a Predator fans, has been the subject of thousands of memes), makes fun of them, and whips up hilarious “pedomixes”, combining clips from the show with original music and lyrics. He analyzes the chats, poking fun at the ones who claim they can “pull out” and not get the decoy pregnant, all because they “know how to time it,” because they are in med school. I'm not making this up.

These guys are weird. Weirdly funny, but the creep factor on this show runs pretty high. There's a guy who wants the decoy to have sex with a cat, there's lots of married guys who want to marry the decoys…

What's funny is watching them try to argue their way out of a situation. There's guys who will cry, like Richer Breault and Maurice Wolin, a.k.a. “Tall, Dreamy Doc” (trust me, he isn't), and the bizarre case of John Kennelly, who walked into a sting house stark naked. Chris Hansen comes in and pauses, then offers the decoy a towel. Kennelly seems a bit slow, and it's somewhat easy to feel sorry for him. However, the next day, Kennelly was back online, chatting up a kid, and Hansen catches him at a McDonald's, where Kennelly was supposed to meet the decoy. Hansen blows up, and Kennelly tries to worm his way out of the situation by saying, “I was just getting something to eat.”

The editing on The Predator Chronicles is top-notch. Mista GG is funny, self-deprecating and has spot-on descriptions for what famous people the pedophiles resemble. He pokes fun at the guys—clothing choices, the way they lie about their ages, and pointing out a consistent habit: if pastries are offered by the decoy, the guys rarely resist, and continue to much on chocolate chip cookies and day-old brownies, even as they are interrogated by Hansen.

It's comedy gold, and anyone who was a fan of To Catch a Predator will get a kick out of The Predator Chronicles. Some comments on the original uploads of the show complain that these guys were lured, and it's totally unfair to arrest them, but I rest safer at night knowing these idiots were nailed, before they harmed anyone. They are sick and pathetic, but Mista GG tries to make light of a serious situation by making fun of these creeps. Marvin Lakhan is the “Garfield” fan, and GG roasts him. “What do you call a predator who likes to have sex [sic] with cats? A purredator.” After this zinger, GG slowly leans back in his chair, with a huge smile on his face. “Get it?”

I do. And I love it.