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Not-so-silent Spring

By Gloria Diaz

Check out Gloria's Blog — Edge of Gloria!

Fort Wayne Reader

2018-04-05

Right now, it’s pouring down rain. It’s also spring, so I should be excited about this, but I’m not.

I don’t get excited about spring until about mid-May. Even then, sometimes it’s way chillier than I think it should be. It’s not even close to mid-May as I write this. So I expect it to be cold and miserable for several more weeks.

At least it’s going the right way. It’s thundering now, but it won’t be a big surprise if, in another few hours, snow plops down like a giant Slurpee. And the white Slurpee (what flavor would a white Slurpee be? Citrus Blast? Pineapple Surprise? Mystery?) will turn to gray slush and then black (Coffee Blast? Coffee Surprise? Extreme Tire Juice?) then go away.

Have you ever seen lightning snow? I have. I was in class in college, and it was snowing, and then there was lightning. The professor joked that he thought he was being visited by God (It was a Catholic college). That was the first and last time I’ve seen that.

The calendar date of spring just doesn’t mean that much to me, because it’s way too early in these parts to get all excited about it. Sometimes we get lucky in February, and get a few 70 degree days as a dirty prank to remind us “yeah, preview of coming attractions. Too bad it’s only ten more weeks until it struggles into the 60s.” I was in San Francisco in mid-February, and just like the year before, it was cool. Fort Wayne was sunny and warm. Two years in a row of this. Okay, so at least it wasn’t raining non-stop like it was the last time I was there, but what could I do? Fort Wayne went back to February weather, and San Francisco was dry and sunny. And cool. Annnnd… not Fort Wayne.

I guess days like this one are a reminder that better weather is to come, even if it sucks to wait for it. Spring in this part of the country is a cruel joke. It’s more like half-assed winter. I’d appreciate if the calendars sold here reflected the reality: winter solstice on December 21 or so, spring (forget the solstice) May 15, then summer on June 21. It would make more sense, right?

More accurate?

And maybe other calendars could be adjusted for different regions of the United States, and the rest of the world. What does it feel like certain times of the year? Make the calendar according to that, so we don’t get all excited with “spring” when it’s winter, remixed. For several weeks.
After the calendars get made, I’m going after the retailers who force bathing suits in January, and parkas in July. That nonsense makes us think it’s later than we think. That’s just evil.