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Nature calls

By Jeff Terrill

Fort Wayne Reader


Jim teaches at the high school and heís one of the assistant coaches for the football team. Jimís not a real person.

On Saturday, Jim and the other coaches accompany most of the kids from the team to the big college football game. Jim and the other coaches pack several coolers full of sandwiches and drinks.

During the two-hour bus ride, Jim drinks two bottled waters and a Sprite. Jim really needs to pee, but the bus is now stuck in pre-game campus traffic. Jim is about to urinate himself. He canít hold it any longer.

Jim gets the bus driver to open the door. Jim jumps out of the bus and cuts across the street. Jim jumps over a small fence and runs through a playground area heading for some trees by the river. Traffic starts to move again and the bus driver turns and pulls on to a road near Jim.

Jim reaches the trees and begins to relieve himself. One of the other assistant coaches reaches over the bus driver and starts honking the horn. Everyone on the bus is laughing and yelling out the window at Coach Jim. Knowing that heís got a crowd cheering him on, Jim raises an arm as if to celebrate the victory.

Then, just like that, a campus police officer pulls into the lot, jumps out and orders Jim to keep his hands above his head. The head football coach steps out of the bus in an effort to explain the situation to the officer. He and Jim tell the officer that they were stuck in all the pre-game traffic and that Jim simply couldnít hold it in any longer. Jim tells the officer that heís a high school teacher and he didnít want to set a bad example for the kids by urinating himself on the bus.

The officer asks Jim if he was urinating in the woods. Jim tells him he was. The officer informs Jim that he urinated in a public park. Jim apologizes. The officer asks Jim why held his hand above his head while he was urinating. Jim explains that he knew the people on the bus were watching and heckling him.

The officer tickets Jim for public nudity, a Class C misdemeanor. The officer explains that itís against the law to appear in a state of nudity in a public place. The officer tells Jim that the charge could be enhanced because he committed the crime on park property and in the presence of other people.

Instead of enjoying the college football game, Jim now spends the weekend wondering if heíll lose his job Ė and his freedom.


Jeff Terrill is a partner/shareholder with the law firm of Arnold Terrill Anzini, P.C. Mr. Terrill represents clients accused of crimes throughout northeast Indiana. You can contact Mr. Terrill with any questions or comments at his office at 260.420.7777 or via email at jterrill@fortwaynedefense.com. Learn more about his firm at www.fortwaynedefense.com. This article expressed opinions and observations of the author, is not intended as legal advice and does not create an attorney-client relationship between the author and the reader. Please consult a qualified attorney with any legal questions or issues you might have. Thank you

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©2018 Fort Wayne Reader. All rights Reserved.