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Blind Dates are More Fun To Watch

By Gloria Diaz

Check out Gloria's Blog — Edge of Gloria!

Fort Wayne Reader

2016-01-22

Since my trip to San Francisco made me broke, my winter break wasn’t too spectacular. I knew it wouldn’t be. I’d accepted that fact way back in November. However, it’s not like I didn’t have anything to do. The house was a mess, and I devoted several hours and a dozen trash bags to my mission to make it better. I should have taken before and after pictures, because it never seems like I make a real difference. But I did. I now have space in a spare bedroom to exercise. I filled two bags with clothes. And the hall closet actually has visible floor space! The coffee table has visible surface space!

There’s more I could have done, but I wanted to have a break too. Thank goodness for YouTube. I had at least four movies I wanted to see. But like I said, I was out of money. Like, REALLY out of money. So most of my break, when I wasn’t cleaning or sleeping, I was watching episodes of Blind Date. The show aired from 1999 to 2006 (thanks, Wikipedia!) The show’s premise was to pair a man and a woman up, send them out for an activity, dinner, and drinks, and see what happened. True to form, I concentrated on the “Blind dates from Hell”, because seeing two people who complement each other about as well as Twinkies and soy sauce makes for a funny show. Plus, after asking out a guy last spring who had a Class D Felony and meeting a self-proclaimed date rapist a year and a half ago, I can relate to unhappy endings more than happy endings.

Blind Date is probably one of the few reality shows I really enjoyed. Comments from YouTubers claim the show is scripted, but fake or real, watching some of these episodes can do one of two things: make you glad you’re not dating, or laugh hysterically, or both. There are some epic clips I watched over and over. Cynthia and Mark, for example. Mark is a born again Christian who is way over the top in telling Cynthia how much God loves her, and how much Mark loves her. When you hear that so frequently, it sort of decreases the value of the saying, I think. The funny thing about the date? Cynthia is herself “saved” and tells Mark he needs to tone it down a little.

Chip and Toni didn’t really have a disastrous date, but the running theme during their segment was that Chip, who is impossibly good looking, was gay. The show’s producers picked out things he did, such as skipping up the steps at the end of the date, to visually checking out the hay ride driver, and put graphics and thought balloons up on the screen to convey the belief he was gay. Probably the most obvious clue was when Chip and Toni were talking about dating, and Chip said, “It was tough for me to swallow, having multiple dates—“ and Toni chimes in, “at the same time.” Chip replied that it made him feel guilty, because “you’re juggling 16 guys.” The producers show him saying that phrase three more times, each time a bit slower, so you don’t miss it. Of course, one commenter said that he could have been referring to Toni’s position, but she swings her head around to look at him with a grin, and her thought bubble says, “Did he just say 16 guys?” Then, there’s a cartoon graphic of a briefcase, with the word “case” inside, and a cartoon hand slamming it shut. Toni’s thought bubble says, “I caught him and he doesn’t even know it.” The scene ends with Chip looking over at Toni, with a somewhat sad look on his face. He’s wearing a slip, trimmed with pink and blue, that says, “Freudian” on it. Toni’s thought bubble says, “At least there won’t be any sexual tension at dinner.”

I will say that the guys seem to be more under pressure than the girls. Jermal was paired up with Sheri. Not only did he have to meet her mother and assorted cousins before they went on their date, but Jermal was asked twice if he had a criminal record. Jermal seemed like a good guy, with a good job. However, Sheri complained that he was boring. Jermal didn’t drink much, and Sheri offered up a half-naked lap dance for him. Although he inspected her topless goods, in the post-date wrap-up, Jermal wasn’t impressed with her exhibitionist tendencies and needed to “respect herself” more. Sheri responded that she needed “a man.”

These aren’t the only episodes I watched, but it looks like I’m out of room. Yes, it’s another two-part column. In the meantime, check out www.edgeofgloria.blogspot.com. I realized the link on fortwaynereader.com isn’t working, and Mr. Fort Wayne Reader is trying to figure it out.