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Online Dating is as Bad as She Thinks It Is
By Gloria Diaz
Check out Gloria's Blog — Edge of Gloria!
Fort Wayne Reader
I’ve not had good luck with men. It’s been this way for a long time, and I tried different things: acting flirty, cool, disinterested, disdainful, aloof, friendly, bubbly, positive….and nothing has worked. I know some geniuses (genii?) out there are probably thinking, “why not just be yourself?”
Well, because that hasn’t worked either. “Yourself” or “myself” is a combination of enthusiasm, despair, longing, anger, hope, intellectualism, romanticism, obsession and naiveté. Everything I realized about people and how I appeared to the world flipped upside down in seventh grade. Prior to that, adults loved me. Here was this articulate, gabby little girl with a sense of humor. Once seventh grade hit, I was no longer a cute, gabby little girl. Everything I was at that point was a source of ridicule. Imagine thinking you’re okay with the world, then realizing all of a sudden that the world is not okay with you.
I’ve mulled this over for quite a while, and decided being genuine doesn’t work for me. At least, not when it comes to men. So I decided to prove this point by creating two dating profiles. One is the bratty, immature, shallow me, a fun time girl who has large breasts and likes to flaunt them — in short, the Janice Dickinson me. Then, there is the “real” me, personality flaws and all. Who would get the most attention? And from whom?
The last guy I asked out was a fellow classmate who had a Class D felony. (I found that out the first hour we chatted.) I also worked with someone who went on to murder a professor here at IPFW. So it is safe to say I’ve never dated a guy who was the complete package. I’m amazed at people who have dated quite a few people. How do you meet them? Or maybe these people are just people magnets, while I could be on an island full of men, and not one would bother talking to me. I don’t know if it’s my Resting Bitchface, or what.
Because I didn’t want to put my face on the fake profile, the photos that I did take got deleted. Finally, I gave up. I went with the “honest” profile.
So the “honest” profile that I set up did get a few hits. However, most of the emails were underwhelming. I’m a writer, so right off the bat, individuals who wrote one word emails were eliminated. Sorry. Wait, not sorry.
Here is the beginning of one conversation via email. Spelling and grammar are original:
Random Dude: Hello, You look so beautiful in your profile pics.. Why you on the site ? I would like to know more about you
“Trevor” (not his real name)
7/11/2015 1:36:15 AM
Me: Thanks. I'm not exactly sure why I'm on this site. I think it is to prove a point.
What do you want to know about me?
7/11/2015 8:13:19 AM
Random Dude: How's your day going ? Well, a little about me, i have been hurt by my exwife and never want that to happen in my life again.. I caught her with my friend in my room .. sound crazy !! :( Have you ever been in a relationship before? have you ever been hurt before? and do you wish to go into any relationship again?
Do you work and where do you work?
I am new on here, so i am pretty new to online things
7/11/2015 2:19:39 PM
Me: Yes, I've been in a relationship. Yes, I've been hurt.
If you think I'm going to tell you where I work, you are insane.
7/11/2015 6:03:23 PM
Random Dude: Oh , Am so sorry to hear about what you have pass through babe .. I think we can only learn from it and move on .. . What's your fav color and what do you do for fun .. I would like to get to know you more
Here’s another one. Again, spelling and grammar are original:
7/11/2015 1:35:05 AM
Me: I don't like to text.
7/11/2015 1:36:00 AM
Random Guy: Then why do you.
7/11/2015 1:38:25 AM
Me: This is not a text. This is an email response. I text on the phone because people text me. I wish they wouldn't.
7/11/2015 1:38:57 AM
Random Guy: I understand. But I didn't text you.
7/11/2015 2:16:11 AM
Random Guy: You should have came to Elkhart and spent the Nite with me.
7/11/2015 2:21:18 PM
Me: I don't spend the night with total strangers. Your grammar is a bit shaky and so is your spelling. I'm a writer. So far, I'm NOT impressed.
7/11/2015 2:26:33 PM
Random Guy: Hahahaha. And I was just messing with you lastnite and if your this judgemental on someone who was messaging you when he was half asleep no wonder your single. Plus your not that attractive and it looks to me that your pretty much overweight. So please don't message me back. And by the way hon. This isn't emailing it's texting or online messaging. Remember you messaged me I didn't you. I don't n won't chase anyone especially overweight woman. Have a good day and go feed your face. And talking about being impressed. Hahahaha. We'll don't know what to tell Ya. Hahaha. That's the funniest thing I've heard all week. Lmao..!!!!
7/11/2015 10:36:18 PM
Me: As I recall, you messaged me first. So that means you made the first move. And why do you message people when you are half asleep anyway? That's pretty rude. And re-read my message: I am NOT impressed.
After reading the request to come to Elkhart, I started singing in my head, “One night in Elkhart makes a hard man humble.” So, yeah, I’m fat. Whatever. Mama June gets men and she weighs more than I am, and despite what this guy said, HE messaged me first. So I was desirable enough to approach, but when I made fun of his grammar, I was too fat for him. Janice Dickinson warned me about this. If you haven’t read Check Please! get it immediately. You will eliminate a lot of bullshit when it comes to dating.