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Catholic crotch shots not cool

By Gloria Diaz

Check out Gloria's Blog — Edge of Gloria!

Fort Wayne Reader


When I went online to check my email recently, AOL had thoughtfully selected some news stories for its homepage. I sometimes click on a few, but rarely are there any that make me want to read more. Usually, I've seen the story somewhere else, first.

But one story, about an all-boys Catholic school out in California, was sort of refreshing in a twisted sort of way. Rather than another priest-centric scandal, it turns out that a female teacher was suing the school and archdiocese because some of the boys were taking up-the-skirt pictures and video of her. Seems other female teachers had photos taken of them as well. The teacher filing the lawsuit claims that when some sexually explicit graffiti about her was written on a boy's bathroom stall, she was urged to “let it go,” and was told “boys will be boys.” Hmmm. Sound familiar?

This is not going to help the Catholic church any — still reeling from a sex-abuse scandal, but if you are an educator and someone takes under-your-skirt pictures, you're supposed to ignore it? I don't think my students would take any up-the-skirt pictures of me, because it's damn near impossible. The skirt I have worn this past year is knee-length and I wear dark tights with them. Even if I wear that more than decade-old summer dress I tried on several nights ago and can now fit into, I wonder why anyone would think taking up-the-skirt pictures would be thrilling or exciting. My ancient, ripped underwear screams “poverty,” not “sexy party.” But then, I'm not a guy.

About as entertaining as the story were the comments posted by other readers of Patch.com. As usual, there wasn't much sympathy for the victim (there never is). One well-meaning sap wrote this:

Women--too often--hug--and this sends mixed messages to everyone, especially men. They also wear inappropriate attire, which does the same...basically, what I am saying is there are societal rules in place, and these teens are dead wrong for their actions (filming their teachers), but women in general are wrong too when they play their parts in such misdeeds, even if it is their nature, like some people are suggesting, such as "boys will be boys" or "girls are emotional," etc...women need to know what hugging does to a man, or what tight clothes does to a male, i.e...it is a sort of social responsibility in place.

Are you kidding me?!!! Maybe women should just keep themselves covered from head to toe like they do in Arab countries. Could it be the Middle Easterners really ARE on to something? Or maybe men just need to calm the hell down. If men really do crumble like a stale cookie each time they see cleavage or a slender female calf, shouldn't THEY be called the weaker sex? Thank God I'm not turned on by men who reek of tobacco, or bad breath, or general B.O., or guys covered head to toe with tattoos. But I only encounter men I'm attracted to once every five years or so, and when in the presence of a man who is familiar with soap, water, razor and deodorant, I manage to control myself. And if he is wearing cologne and is somewhat cute, well, geez, it's all I can do to restrain myself from leaping into his arms, while shouting, “take me, you delicious specimen of manhood!” Please. While there are a few men out there that stir me, I can control myself.

I wish I could wear sweatpants and sweat shirts when I teach class, but unfortunately, the school where I teach has a dress code. I have to wear “professional” attire. I try never to touch my students, ever. But the guy who wrote “women need to know what hugging does to a man, or what tight clothes does to a male” well, right away, I can tell you who's the weaker sex, and it isn't women.

For years, I've tried to be friendly to people (I've had to be) while I'm working. I wish I didn't have to be. Because I've noticed that if I'm friendly and helpful to men, they get the wrong idea. They think I want to have sex with them. Every so often, I hear guys complain about women being bitches. Relax, gentlemen. It's not that we dislike you, but we're bitchy to you to keep you from lusting after us. Because as soon as we're friendly to you, you are on us like white on rice. That's why I've got my resting bitchface on all the time. Even when I'm really happy and I'm having the best day of my life, I look like my entire family was murdered and the mob is after me, and to top it off , Taco Bell messed up my order. A few months ago, one of my former students mistakenly thought I'd cast him as the male protagonist in one of my erotic fiction stories, and talk about AWKWARD. Even though I told him right off the bat that the man in the story was not him, he called me for weeks after. Here's a tip guys: if you call her and she doesn't pick up, she doesn't want to talk to you. EVER.

But here's the thing: if women dress in masculine clothing, we're branded as lesbians. If we dress in clothing that clearly shows we're women (i.e. we have curves) we are branded as “sluts” and my personal favorite, “she's asking for it.” So, what are we supposed to wear? I propose both men and women just wear sweatpants and sweat shirts (at least 3XL or larger) in the winter, and mid-calf capris and 4XL shirts in the summer. We'll ALL look equally shlumpy and unattractive and no one will worry about looking “rapable.”

Occasionally, like say once every five years, I encounter a guy who pushes all my buttons and wonder why they can't clone some of these types of men. If I had my way, all men in Fort Wayne would look like John Krasinski or Ron Livingston, with a few Zac Efron types thrown in for those who enjoy “too good-looking to be straight” men. But in spite of all my pent-up lustful frustration, when I see a really cherry guy, I don't whip out my camera to take a few clandestine crotch shots to share with my girlfriends. To do so would seem gross, and immature, and a little pathetic, much like those boys at that Catholic high school. In order to remove the temptation that women bring with them, perhaps the school should bring in male teachers. Perhaps some priests-in-training.

Hmmm. Maybe that's not such a good idea after all.

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