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I Just Want Some Decent Looking Shoes

By Gloria Diaz

Check out Gloria's Blog — Edge of Gloria!

Fort Wayne Reader

2012-07-05


Years ago, I knew someone who couldnít understand why women had so many shoes. This person (a guy) literally had one pair of shoes. They were hiking boots, and he wore them everywhere. Job interviews, the beach, it didnít matter. Maybe men can get away with this, but women canít. We just donít have that luxury. Maybe when the day comes that women are judged by their achievements and not by their looks, I too will be able to wear my white, neon green and aqua blue Nike Mary Janes with a suit, but until then, Iíll have to figure something out.

But recently, Iíve been horny for shoes. Itís not like being in a relationship and being horny. When youíre in a relationship, you have someone you can have sex with. Iíve been craving new summer shoes, but the shoe gods are against me. When I was on steroids for my poison ivy, I checked out four stores in one night for shoes. And this was after I was done with class! Usually, Iím too tired to go shopping after class, but after cruising Kohlís, Old Navy, Shoe Carnival and TJ Maxx, Iím thinking this is not my summer for shoes. A stop into Gordmanís didnít help either. Oh, I found plenty of outrageous high heeled shoes; some of them really cool looking. But I cannot walk in them. Either my feet are malformed, or there is some secret that I canít figure out as to how to walk in heels. I think if the heels were wider, Iíd have a better shot, but stiletto heels and even a modest pump with a two inch heel are beyond me.

A friend recommended Zappos.com, but a quick look there was disappointing. All Iím looking for are some leather ballet flats, perhaps with some discreet cuts in the leather to allow for some breathing room. Iím kicking myself now for all the shoes that fit that description that Iíve gotten rid of over the past oh, thirty years or so. Sandals Iíve got. Flip flops Iíve got. But a simple, classic flat? Not going to happen.

The flats Iíve seen so far look so ugly, I canít believe they are being offered for sale. I saw one burlap nightmare that might look okay if you are an impoverished farmer in Thailand or something, but thereís no way I would pay money for something like that. Thereís casual, and thereís CASUAL.

Another problem I have is the huge bunion on my big right toe. I pretty much have to try on shoes in person, just so I can be sure I can slip them on over my extra toe protruding from my right foot. Itís starting to do a number on one of my pairs of running shoes I have. The mesh is starting to separate over the bunion.

Iíve given up trying to find decent summer shoes before my class ends. I seem to have more luck with fall and winter clothing. Maybe itís time to look online some more, but because of the way my right foot is shaped right now, Iíd rather be disappointed in person than order something, open up the box, and feel like one of Cinderellaís sisters trying to force my foot into the dream shoe. Thatís why I wonít order jeans online. The shape of my torso demands it.

And the reason why women have tons of shoes? Because you can lose or gain 30 pounds, and your shoes will pretty much fit. If we arenít a size seven in dress or jeans, we can certainly gloat over our feet being that size. And everyone knows you canít wear hiking boots with a suit. At least, not if youíre a woman.

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