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Single on Valentine's Day

By Gloria Diaz

Check out Gloria's Blog — Edge of Gloria!

Fort Wayne Reader

2004-02-09

I will be single on Valentine’s Day, but this doesn’t bother me. Sure, it means I have to buy my candy instead of having it given to me. On the other hand, not having a man on Valentine’s Day means I don’t have to put out for some schlub who forgets to put the toilet seat down. And just because you’re dating someone during Valentine’s Day doesn’t mean you’ll get a Vogue magazine-style night out on the town. I went out with a guy once who smelled like chili dogs and thought a séance at the cemetery was the proper way to show a girl a good time. It wouldn’t have been so bad if the mosquitoes hadn’t made their way up my miniskirt. And if he’d showered beforehand.

Then, there’s the guy I knew in college who invited me to a fraternity party. I agreed to go, vowing never to set foot in his frat house. He’s now wanted for murder, but that’s another story.

Bad dates and restraining orders aside, people still want to hook up. The personal ads are proof. But on reading the personals in a local paper (for entertainment purposes only) I wonder about these folks. There’s the 20-year-old that boasts that he is “the total package.” He hangs out at the Omega from midnight to 4 a.m., talking about “smart people stuff.” Really? I heard the local Mensa candidates prefer IHOP.

Then, there’s Too Much Information Man, a 47-year-old engineer who has two girls, ages five and ten; sees them every other weekend (they live with their mom) and has family in the Philadelphia area. He might mean well, but I know already I wouldn’t want to go out with him. I mean okay, he’s divorced with children, but relatives living near Philly? Who cares?! What I want to know is how he feels about taking a girl shoe shopping.

I’m hoping these people find their soulmates, and that they don’t pursue careers in sales or advertising. Yeah, it might be easier to sell cars or coffee than it is to sell yourself. But I wouldn’t want to try. It’s one thing if no one wants your product, but when someone rejects you, it’s rough. Especially if you work on commission.

I guess shouldn’t be too hard on these people. Most people I meet hate to write, and coming up with an ad to peddle your wares, so to speak, is a challenge. It’s no wonder most personal ads sound like they were written by delusional, dorky losers. I wish these people luck, love, and relationships free from restraining orders, séances in cemeteries and guys who smell like chili dogs.